J+300 My departure approaching

I will leave Nanjing very soon, in 3 days 差不多，I feel excited and depressed at the same time.
I feel I have lost so many occasions here, and now time is rushing, people count every hour, saying "this is our last Saturday, Friday together".

I guess in some way it is more painful to leave my friends here, for two reasons: first, there is an incertitude regarding to the next time I will see them, then because they are totally different from anybody I know. They complete me, and have completely changed me.
I have found true friendship here too, in China. And it is beautiful.
Some of my best friends parents have prepared a room in there home, and told me it was mine, for "when I come back"

These days, my mind is totally empty sometimes, I just keep walking, staring at places, with my good memories constantly popping back everywhere I go, staring in the emptiness and keep walking, listening to some music. It's funny how music is powerful to me.
There are some songs, I just listen to them and I travel right back to the place I used to hear them frequently. I can take a trip to Moscow with one song, it's enough for me.
For Nanjing, I probably have 300 songs.
Nanjing has become my home.

On a normal day, when I go out in the morning, on my way, I know everybody, and we greet each other so warmly. It is slightly different from France isn't it...
If one day I don't appear, the next day, they will ask me "你怎么了？昨天没来＂ " what is wrong? I didn't see you yesterday.."

I have to say I am quite different from the foreigners here in Nanjing.
I do not stay with them, but I am constantly with my Chinese friends.
I came here to learn the culture, I believe this is the way to accomplish it.
I feel so glad because I have successfully managed to change their opinions about "外国人＂, foreigners.
I made them understand the difference between foreigners, we are not "ONE BIG GROUP", as China considers the rest of humanity but we are distinct small groups. An American is fairly different from a French, German, latino or British, in many ways.
Then, I could not tolerate the way Chinese stereotype westerners. In one sentence: "you people are so OPEN" .
They mean it in a negative way, Chinese deeply believe that western people do not mind, and are quite willing to show inappropriate sexual behavior in public places.
I am relieved I changed a lot of them, opened their eyes, wiped off the steam on their glasses. Unfortunately, I do see some westerners, on a daily basis ruining my efforts, and contributing to building up that bad image. Chinese say they have "no face" , meaning they can't even lose face, they are so low, they don't have one.

I keep walking, walking, these days. It is driving me potty. I walk like a ghost in these streets I love like my hometown, shopkeepers ask me "how is your sister?", I smile at them, with tears running down my pale face.
The truth is that I miss my family, Charlotte, my parents, my grandparents, aunt, cousin, everybody. I miss my best friend.
But I also have more than what people can imagine here.
I am confused. Feel empty, but want to explode at the same time.
My friends here have tears whenever we go out, and everybody is speechless.

I have changed so much this year. It is probably unimaginable to people who knew me before.
I know myself more than ever before, and I know what I want, what I don't want in life. I know what I stand for, and what are my values.
I will never forget what the Chinese have taught me.
China is a positive nation, that will never stop attracting me.
I am in love with this country.
And Nanjing will always welcome me back, I know this.